Talkin’ the Talk

Normally, I love writing dialogue.  That’s one of the reasons I like the script format.  Nearly all dialogue, nearly all the time.

So, here I am, 28 pages into my screenplay, and I’m worried about the language my characters are using. I mean, English, obviously. But I’m talking about word choice, sentance structure, tone...

To begin with, I need to avoid sounding modern – I don’t want my medival warriors “downsizing” or “thinking outside the box.” And I want them to discuss themes appropriate to their world – honor and duty and whatnot. All while remaining accessible to the viewer, of course.

But it still not enough.

Personally I blame Joss Whedon.

I want the language of my world to have its own unique tone. Whedon’s shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly both presented unreal worlds – a California high school and an outer space frontier, respectively. And each world had its own lingo – new, amusing, engaging, and still fully comprehensible.

Really, this is something I should save for the inevitable re-write, but you know me. I worry.

So, what can I do? Well, here are a few tricks I’m trying:

1. To begin with, I want people to be a little more formal with each other.  One thing I’m trying is the occasional use of full names, especially early in the conversation. So my protagonist is often addressed as “Jon Warder” before the more casual “Jon” is used.

2. I’ve decided, after some experimentation, to include contractions. Not using them does sound more formal, but I do not want to completely lose all casual tone.

3. I’m avoiding the informal tense of the English language (i.e., no “thee,” “thou,” or “thine.”). It will just alienate the viewers.

4. I am constantly re-thinking words and phrases. For example, I’ve switched out the word “money” for “coin.”  Your money’s no good here becomes something like Keep your coin. Same sentiment, different tone.  “Aye” for “yes” is another one.

Results? Still no Whedonesque sparkle.  But I’m working on it.  Let me leave you with a line from the script...

I seek the house of Stonekind.

And the response...

Do you?  Think our royalty are on display then, for any man to gawk and jest?

Satisfaction

Today I want to raise (but perhaps not truly answer) the question of what makes a satisfying story. I think it's a question we will be discussing for some time. I want to start with the basic notion of considering what promises have been made to the reader or audience and paying attention to whether the promises have been kept.

I remember back when the second season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was airing on TV for the first time. At the time, I predicted an upcoming surprise plot point. (I'm going to try to do this without spoilers, if I can.) There was a lot of talk early in the season about how cruel and evil the new villain was. There was also a part of the ongoing background soap opera that was starting to repeat itself. So there were two things the show needed to do -- (1) show the villian doing something beyond the typical attacking of nameless guest stars and (2) shake up the soap opera.

Looking at it that way, using the villian to mess with the soap opera seems obvious. But when it happened, it took most of my viewing friends by surprise. I only caught it because I asked a writer's question -- What does this story need to be satisfying? The villian needs to hurt us, I thought, what will actually hurt?

Another way to look at it (and this is what I often do) is to ask why the story isn't satisfying. Is the villian all talk and no action? Unsatisfactory. Are the character relationships going around in circles? Unsatisfactory. Seeing the problem often suggests the necessary fix.

And if it doesn't? Well, that leaves us something to discuss for later.